CRH ER Staff Accidentally Perform Normal Duties, Save Man’s Life
A Columbus man’s life was saved on February 11, 2024 after ER staff actually did their their jobs for once. Jake Acker, 24, came into the emergency room with a severed hand. Acker had waited approximately two hours before passing…
Animal Protesters Shocked That Only Attendants Were Human
A group of protestors recently gathered in downtown Columbus today to protest for stricter animal ordinances. The protestors had invited representatives from all corners of the animal kingdom, however they received no response from any of our animal friends. The…
Indiana Rep. Lucas Loses Coveted “Best Brownies 2023” Award After THC Discovered in System After OWI
The Columbus Confection and Patissier Society has revoked the 2022 and 2023 Best Brownie Award from Representative Jim Lucas, after a toxicology report revealed that Lucas had THC, the active ingredient in cannabis, in his system following his arrest on…
The Cole to Receive “Biggest Eyesore” and “Dumbest Name for a Building” Awards
The Cole is the center of attention after a national organization has awarded it the 2023 Biggest Eyesore and 2023 Dumbest Name for a Building after a city-wide poll was conducted in January. The Cole was the only nominee for…
People Who Know Nothing About How Planes Work Spot Chemtrails Over City
Citizens were shocked to find a large amount of chemtrails over the city earlier this week. The shock turned into outrage, as the chemtrails could be spotted in the shape of the letter X, the shape of an arrow, as…
Library Elevator Boycotts All Humans
The elevator in the historic Cleo Rogers Memorial Library is currently rejecting all human passengers. A representative for the library has stated that while efforts were made to appease it and get it back in working order, the elevator just…
Arts Council Confuses Homeless Campsite for Art Installation
The Columbus Area Arts Council has removed a tent, 6 bags of trash, and personal belongings from the site of an art installation, after having confused the items for the actual art installation itself. The council finally became aware after…
Olive Garden – Still Not Here Yet
It’s that time of year again when everyone is asking one thing: When is Columbus getting an Olive Garden? Another winter is coming to a close, and as we start into spring, visions of fresh-baked breadsticks, endless salads, and tasty…
Dollar General, Apartment Complexes Battle for Dominion over City
Representatives from Dolgencorp met with city officials and local businesses. The meeting was held after complaint from local realtors stated that Dolgencorp’s expansion plans are interfering with their plans to turn everything into apartment complexes by 2030. The proposed city-wide…